Updated: Jan 23, 2019
Have you seen the reply singer/songwriter Nick Cave gives to a fan who believes she is communicating, mainly through dreams, with her dead loved ones?
Nick’s son, Arthur, died in 2015 and he believes that Arthur is around him and they talk; his wife tells him Arthur visits her in her dreams.
But Nick seems to suggest that in our grief, we ‘will them into existence’: these spirits, ghosts, dream visitations are just our imagination taking us from a place of grief-induced madness into a place of healing and growth.
I know there are many people who think that my grief has been healed by my imagination. I can’t actually be speaking to my brother, Christian. I can’t actually be really feeling his presence. I can’t actually believe that Christian influences many happening around me.
But, and here’s where I’m going to stick my head above the parapet, I am going to totally stand by my conviction that Christian is very real, very much alive and very much just in the room next door, so to speak. He has changed in some ways, but in others he’s just the same as he always was.
Loss is just an illusion. I have been told this numerous times. You only have loss because you believe you have lost.
I have tested this belief to destruction, believe me.
I would never be publicly writing a book with him, let along planning many more ‘adventures’ with Christian, if I didn’t have complete faith that he’s with me every step of the way.
As I sit writing this, I can feel him standing at my side, leaning against me with his arm resting on my left shoulder. He loves that I’m his big ‘Sis’: he always tells me how proud he is of me for being honest and speaking out about my conviction.
This is not just my reality. This is not just my comfort. There is real guidance and love given, and received, despite a physical distance.
My main thought, after reading Nick’s brave words about Arthur, is ‘Good’, because when someone in the public eye like Nick speaks, people listen. It encourages more people to speak out about their experiences of grief and their ‘imaginings’. It makes people who’ve had these ‘imaginings’ feel normal: they are not going mad. Nick gives comfort to his fan, Cynthia. Thank you, Nick.
I believe that anyone grieving, whether it is raw or partly healed, is able to communicate with their loved one. From what I’ve learnt so far, putting it very simply, there is a channel (like a telephone line) which runs between you and your loved one and when the channel is clear, then communication can happen. Loved ones are just waiting for that channel to be clear, especially if there are things which need to be said.
But, you need to be:
1) open to the possibility of the channel existing,
2) open to the idea that you can communicate and
3) have a clear channel, not gunked up by anger, mistrust, guilt, shame, etc.
The channel operates under conditions of unconditional love.
What to do if you know the channel is gunked up? Well, you need to unblock the channel by being honest with yourself, exploring your feelings, airing your feelings and releasing them.
The basics are all contained in the short ebook I’ve written with Christian on this subject:
The ebook (PDF) is FREE to download, with no catches, so if you are in the clutches of grief-induced madness, as Nick writes, then our words might just be what you need to hear…